I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
