Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
