And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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