you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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