Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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