I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
