I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
