hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
