Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
