Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
