this beer tastes like vomit already
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
