I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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