that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
