remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
