hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
