Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize