I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
