I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
me + whiskey = a bad person
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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