none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
