wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
