Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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