Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
