you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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