oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
