I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
