Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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