dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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