I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
