he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
