The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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