Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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