is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
