:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
