I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
