I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
