Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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