i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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