We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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