It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
