no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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