Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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