Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
