At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize