That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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