I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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