Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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