oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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