I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
