so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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