your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
