You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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