i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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