Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
