he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
