Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Buhtt sex?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
