A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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