I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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