Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
