okay pat passed out under dana's car
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
