Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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