if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
