If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
where are my pants?
in the oven.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
