john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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