he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
