atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
