My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
