she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
