at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
