I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
