I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
