Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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