she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
